Health Tips for the Misguided

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Yawn. Things are getting a bit boring round here don’t you think?! Eat your greens blah, blah, blah… Don’t worry, I try not to take myself too seriously so here are a few unconventional health quotes for you to enjoy:-

  1. Don’t eat me. I have a wife and kids. Eat them.
  2. Homer Simpson

  3. My doctor told me to do something that made me slightly out of breath, so I started smoking again.
  4. Jo Brand

  5. Never eat anything at one sitting that you can’t lift.
  6. Miss Piggy

  7. The word aerobics comes from two Greek words: aero, meaning “ability to,” and bics, meaning “withstand tremendous boredom.”
  8. Dave Barry

  9. I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I lost two weeks.
  10. Joe E. Lewis

  11. Muscles come and go; flab lasts.
  12. Bill Vaughan

  13. All the things I really like to do are either illegal, immoral, or fattening.
  14. Alexander Wolcott

  15. To be stupid, selfish, and have good health are three requirements for happiness, though if stupidity is lacking, all is lost.
  16. Gustave Flaubert

  17. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
  18. Redd Foxx

  19. I don’t like food that’s too carefully arranged; it makes me think that the chef is spending too much time arranging and not enough time cooking. If I wanted a picture I’d buy a painting.
  20. Andy Rooney

  21. If you ever have to support a flagging conversation, introduce the topic of eating.
  22. Leigh Hunt

  23. Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances.
  24. Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina

  25. Canada has never been a melting pot; more like a tossed salad.
  26. Arnold Edinborough

  27. Eating words has never given me indigestion.
  28. Winston Churchill

  29. I do not like broccoli. And I haven’t liked it since I was a little kid and my mother made me eat it. And I’m President of the United States and I’m not going to eat any more broccoli.
  30. George Bush, US president, 1990

  31. Seafood brought in by customers will not be entertained.
  32. Restaurant sign in Langkawi, Malaysia

  33. Eat whatever thou likest, but dress as others do.
  34. Arab Proverb

  35. The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.
  36. Lucille Ball

  37. Eat bread at pleasure, drink wine by measure.
  38. Randle Cotgrave

  39. Avoid fruits and nuts. You are what you eat.
  40. Jim Davis (Garfield the Cat)

  41. The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like, and do what you’d rather not.
  42. Mark Twain

  43. Never invest in anything that eats or needs repairing.
  44. Billy Rose

  45. An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last.
  46. Winston Churchill

  47. Mattie’s Restaurant and Yogurt Palace, “An alternative to Good Eating”
  48. Restaurant Business Card from Decatur, Texas

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  1. Werelax says:

    Totally mis-titled, they are Words to Live By.


    # Eating words has never given me indigestion.
    – Winston Churchill (probably not true)

    # Eat bread at pleasure, drink wine by measure.
    – Randle Cotgrave ( he got it backwards)

  2. Tim E. says:

    # 5 is priceless! Thanks for the laugh.
    And #3 is pretty good advice.

  3. Matt says:

    rofl to losing two weeks..these are indeed great finds…bookmarked!

  4. April says:

    I’m glad everyone liked it. I had fun putting this post together 🙂

  5. betshopboy says:

    #1 Classic Homer

    #7 I definitely can relate to Mr Wolcott’s words

    #14 Humbling words from Mr Churchill

    #19 Great advice!

    #21 Hitting the nail, as always.

  6. Stairlift says:

    Well misguided I was. I have never heard most of them so it was a refreshing read and I think that there should be more posts like this.

    I think this is mainly because there is no good content out there. Everyone is trying to be funny, no fun is funny!

  7. Aroah says:

    NEAT! This was quality read.

  8. i really hate bad breath coz it gives me headache~`”